So it’s been a good long while since I’ve posted on here. First of all, I am so sorry for that! I really want to try and be more regular with my posts but I also do not want to fill it with content that is half-hearted. Anyway, hopefully I can get to posting more.
With that being said, let’s dive right into it. It’s Healthy Relationship Week in my sorority and with that comes the acknowledgment of relationships with friends, family, significant others… But what about yourself? What about the relationship you have with yourself? Yourself includes your mental health, your emotions, your body and the way you talk to yourself. Honestly, I think my relationship with myself is often the most toxic relationships that I am in. If I said the things I think and even sometimes voice to my friends, I would not have friends. I mean, if I asked my friends “Why are you eating that, you just ate” or “Do you really need that”, I seriously might be the most hated girl in the world. But yet, I find it ok to tell myself this. I find it ok to ab check in the morning and criticize myself if they are not quite as prominent as the day before. Now that I am revered/in recovery, these thoughts are not nearly as often as they were before but in the depths of my eating disorder, I was literally berating my body every second, every day. I looked at my body as the enemy. I was slowly killing myself. Last time I checked, a healthy relationship does not include killing the other person. But what drives this hateful relationship with our bodies? It comes back down to a few different roots, the main one being control. From this stems control to get a smaller body, control of our bodies to try and attract attention from the opposite sex, control of our bodies because we can’t cope with the fact that we are not doing as well as we want in school, etc. First of all, why do we think we must be small? The world seems to promote this idea that in order to be feminine, we must be petite. We must look feminine and for some reason, this idea is directly correlated with looking dainty and waif-like. If you are tall, you must be skinny in order to feel beautiful. If you are short, you must do anything in your power to try and look smaller… But for what? The approval of boys? Of society? It slowly takes over and becomes how you approve of yourself. I want to say one thing. Girls, you are truly beautiful. If you are six feet tall, you are beautiful, of you are four feet tall, you are just as beautiful. What makes us beautiful is not how dainty we are. What makes people beautiful is the way they shine. The ways their soul shines through in every aspect of life. The way people take controversy and hardships and handle them. You know what else is beautiful? How someone is able to love their body enough and seeing how their body can, in response, carry them throughout their day. So yes, beauty does come from one’s body, BUT NOT IN THE WAY WE TRADITIONALLY THINK. A beautiful body is one that can make it throughout the day with energy and vigor, one that can dance, jump, run, be a student, walk to class, be a mom, chase after kids. One fueled by food, but also positive attitude. Secondly, in regards to controlling the way our bodies’ look based on the acceptance of the opposite sex, if a boy or girl does not accept you because they don’t like the way you look, then y’all, THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. You see, I have always used my body as my crutch, as my excuse. If a boy liked me, it was because of my body. If a boy did not reciprocate those feelings, it was because of my body. In a healthy relationship, do you blame your friend if things don’t always go as planned? Do you use them as a scapegoat? No! That would be just plain cruel. Same thing goes for your body. Your body is not the reason people like or do not like you. With that being said, if someone chooses not to like you 1). They are missing out on a great opportunity to get to be with an amazing person 2) remind yourself that it is not because of your body. In addition, if you control your body due to a lack of control in other areas of your life such as school, you are actually LOSING control. What? How does that make sense? Let’s say you want a cookie. You had a bad day at school though and you want to feel control so you tell yourself no, no because that cookie is bad. The cookie will make you gain weight OR if you eat one cookie you will eat another. You just gave food POWER over you. Tell me that is not a loss of control. You see, when I was in recovery, my amazing therapist likened my orthorexia to an abusive relationship. This metaphor can go with anything that holds captive over you. You see, because I no longer had a healthy relationship with my body, I had entered into an abusive relationship with myself. I was held captive. In an abusive relationship, the abuser can sweet-talk you into doing something and then shame you for doing the said thing. The abuser speaks sweet nothings that are really just lies disguised. When we have an unhealthy relationship with our body, the same thing happens. We lose touch with our core being and start to listen to words formed by society, formed by external locusts of control. They become our words to ourselves, but they are truly the words of an abuser. If you have a healthy relationship with your body, it is much easier to discern truth from these lies. So, with all of that being said, pursue a healthy relationship with yourself. I am still working on it and I believe with all that is in me that loving yourself is something I will have to work on consciensely my whole entire life. But y’all, it is possible. That feeling when you find happiness elsewhere besides your body is amazing. When you can look in the mirror and happiness comes from the shine in your eyes or you notice how you are radiant because of being happy, it’s a freeing moment. You start to focus on other things. Life becomes less exhausting. Like other healthy relationships, you start wanting to spend time with yourself. Exercise becomes less of a chore and something you do as a form of self-love. Eating becomes part of a daily routine and you can eat whatever you crave. You can face hardship and your body won’t suffer because of it. I have tasted that before and even though I struggle, I know THAT is the kind of healthy relationship I want. THAT is what I want you all to have. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body.
2 Comments
5/9/2016 10:19:57 pm
I was slowly killing myself. Last time I checked, a healthy relationship does not include killing the other person. But what drives this hateful relationship with our bodies?
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