Think about a relationship… There are ups and downs, different phases. People say that falling in love is a roller coaster of emotions, so what if I told your journey of falling in love with who you are after an eating disorder is not so different?
Think of any of your friends who are in a relationship. I’m sure we can all imagine that “puppy love” stage… you know the one where the world is seen through rose colored glasses and everything is embraced as nearly perfect? Personally, after I weight restored I went through a stage where I found nothing about my body that I hated. Self-love and body positivity seeped through my pores and nothing could bring me down. I was so in love with my new body and life. Chemically speaking, when your body is weight restored, your hormone activity spikes and then returns to normal. All the emotions you fee are amplified times ten. So, it makes sense that practicing positive self-talks combined with the rush of hormones leads to such a fierce feeling. And let me go ahead and say I 100% advocate for body positivity and self-love, but life will throw you curveballs once your hormones calm down again and it can be so hard to be so anchored in self-love. The next stage is the The Power Struggle Stage. This is the time when the struggles start to hit. After recovery I had this illusion that because I went through hell and back, this next phase of life was going to be easy and I was entitled to few struggles, if any. That mindset led me to feeling lost, hurt, and out of control. Those feeling are dangerous, especially when your eating disorder stems from control. In the power struggle phase, illusion falls away and feelings of disappointment and anger tend to weasel their way back into your life. For some, weight redistribution can actually trigger this phase. For others, simply coming off what I call the “recovery high” can cause a cascade of feelings that lead to this phase. If you find yourself dealing with the power struggle, I want you to understand it is 100% normal. What matters here is that you ACKNOWLEDGE the feelings that you feel. Let them wash over you but not run through you. Do not let them manifest in you but do not push them away. Confronting the feelings gives you the power to control your mindset. In a typical relationship, this is where couples tend to either break up or make up. With recovery, this is when people tend to relapse OR they continue down the road of recovery. A few things I learned from this stage are:
The next stage is called that The Stability Stage. In a typical relationship this is when that feeling of being in love returns and there is a deep, profound love. It takes time, effort, and a few tears to get to this point and I don’t think that it is much different when looking a recovery and your relationship with yourself. I have spent a lot of time learning how to self talk, learning how to look in a mirror and try and remind myself that I am beautiful. I may not feel beautiful but if my eyes are filled with joy, my smile reflects profound happiness, and if my soul is filled with the Lord, then I am beautiful. I am learning that I don't have to meet my expectations of beauty to be beautiful. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I do feel sad. I sometimes miss the sharp edges and the leaner look. But I don't miss the empty eyes starring back at me. I don’t miss the lifeless smile. I’ve cried so many times. That is ok too. I mourn. I feel deep pain. But I also cry happy tears because I am free. Through all the long days and nights of fighting for recovery, and I chose freedom every single day. Whatever phase of falling in love with yourself you may be in, know that it is ok to struggle. Some days will be hard. Some days will be easy. Somedays you may laugh and cry and scream and all those emotions are normal. You are not failing at recovery. You are not loosing yourself. Just remember to feel the emotions but don’t let them BECOME you.
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Since I started the recovery journey, there has been one phrase that I repeat to myself over and over and over again. I end most of my #realtalk posts by saying it. A dear friend even painted these words for me. Live Fully and Free It’s simple enough right? Live your life to the fullest. Do what you want. No strings attached. It almost sounds too good to be true. Maybe because it is almost too good to be true. Maybe because living fully and free when you are a Type A control freak with a background rooted in confidence coming from external forces seems impossible. Did you catch that? I’m a control freak but the things that make me feel at ease and happy in my body come from something other than myself and my faith in the Lord. To me that seems like quite the anomaly. When those external forces of control failed me, when things no longer felt in my control, I turned to my eating and exercise habits to give me a false sense of fleeting beauty and comfort. I felt the most control when in reality, I had become a puppet with ED guiding my every decision and thought. Almost two years later and here I stand. I’m strong, but in a new way. I have control, but I am learning to be ok with giving that up sometimes. Not to an eating disorder, but the One who has a plan for me and for my life. Driving down the road after exploring Nashville, it hit me. This morning I had woken up, had breakfast, clumsily pulled on my warmest workout clothes, jammed all the way to Hillsboro Village, grabbed an almond milk latte and a muffin, went to Pilates, had fun, grabbed juice and a shot at the Juice Bar, went shopping, and not ONCE did I have any reservations about my choices. I made every one of those decisions myself. Nothing forced me to choose a green juice. That was all me. Nothing told me I had to workout that was my choice. I chose to eat a muffin. I made choices without much thought behind them. I was busy absorbing the bustle of downtown and the crisp winter air rather than harping on the fact that I had already had breakfast and maybe a muffin wasn’t the healthiest choice. That is truly living fully and free. Absorbing the moment and the memories rather than anxiously worrying about my past choices and when I might fit in my next workout. It’s the little things. The small moments. And in those moments I realize that I have gained so much. I live a rich life. I was given the chance to truly live again and I do not take that lightly. My recovery has not been perfect. No one's will be but it is unique to me. I struggle yes, and if you are recovering you will too. Recovery isn’t easy, its not supposed to be. But, if you can look at these small moments and savor them, remember them, and try hard not to dwell on the tough times, I promise it will lessen your load so that you too can live fully and free. Here is a recipe I have been LOVING lately! There is something about maple and sea salt that goes together as well as peanut butter and jelly! Hope you all enjoy! I have been pairing mine with vanilla ice cream and even added a slice of bacon tempeh and maple syrup to the ice cream sandwich and it was pretty yummy!
I know I already posted three parts to my story but it is one year later and I decided to put it all together in one big post for ya! So here we go, its long but I promise it has a happy ending !!
Never did I ever imagine that at 19 years old, I would be able to say that I was a rehab drop-out who literally almost withered away. But, before I get into all of that I want to tell you a bit about what got me to that point. Buckle up and get comfy because it is a long, long story (hence why I am going to do two parts). Ok, so I won't bore you with all the details of where I was born and all that jazz so let's start this roller coaster ride at about age 10 ( 5th grade). This marks the first time someone ever commented on my size. As a fifth grader, I didn't think much of it but fast forward one year to middle school and the comments become more frequent and harsher than just "Hey, you kind of have a belly". This time, the comments stemmed from rumors about me being pregnant (yes, in the sixth grade) and of course, people looked straight at my stomach when they saw me. So, obviously that hurt me a little but I kept pushing on. I began to exercise and run for conditioning because I made the middle school cheer squad. In addition to a small, yet very exciting, growth spurt, I shed some of my "baby fat". At the same time, my family was transitioning into eating healthy foods. We bought the "Eat This, Not That" books and made simple exchanges in our diet. Now, I am a very visual learner and so these books were plain fun to me. With clear examples and fun pictures, I began to really enjoy eating healthier and even grew a passion for it. I began making these healthy switches at school with my lunches too. The difference between sixth grade and seventh grade Sophie were quite drastic; so drastic that a new rumor was spread about me. People started saying that I had an eating disorder and was participating in a competition (to see who could eat less)with a friend of mine who was also very health conscience. Eventually, a teacher confronted me about it and instead of asking she claimed she knew what I was doing and how I needed help. Well, I didn't have an eating disorder but, I will say that experience made me hyper-aware of what I was eating and who was watching, etc. Fast forward to the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of high school. That summer changed my life in ways I never thought could happen. My dream of becoming a collegiate cheerleader shattered along with my L5 vertebrae. For four long months, I lived in a plaster back brace. Now, this back brace did not allow much room for stomach expansion (imaging a permanent waist trainer) after a good meal and so I ate less, a lot less, because I could not physically expand.Once out of the brace, I had lost a total of 15 lbs of muscle and "fat". I didn't mean to do this by any means but the initial weight loss in addition to feeling out of control of my future and my body led me to have some ED thoughts. At the same time, I began experiencing symptoms of IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). I began to cut out foods that I noticed made me feel bloated or that gave me problems in the bathroom. Remember, I was having ED thoughts at the time though so I think I probably eliminated some foods because of that. Anyways, this cutting of so-called "bad foods" and consuming whole foods was amplified even more when one of my dear friends found out she had Crohn's. I thought that maybe I had that too since my stomach still wasn't 100% happy. So, I adapted a diet similar to one that patient with Crohn's. After I got bored of that, I dabbled in Paleo, and that is basically how I went about living the rest of high school, dabbling in and out of different diets but always eating fruits and veggies. Also, I was trying new types of workouts from Pure Barre (my still fav workout) to Pilates to Zumba and living a seemingly healthy and active lifestyle. I was actually really happy and satisfied at this point because even though I was switching to different fad diets, I was still allowing myself treats and living a somewhat balanced lifestyle. Then came summer between high school and college... Graduation is supposed to be a super exciting moment right? It was in some ways but it also meant that I was going to have to break up with my then boyfriend, as he was a year behind me. I wanted to go to college and date him but due to a few circumstances, that just couldn’t happen. Also, during my senior year I had become friends with more people and deepened my existing friendships. I also had really amazing teachers and an overall love for my high school. In many ways, I felt as if this transition to college was being forced on me and I had zero control over when it happened. So, I began to essentially eat carrots, sunflower butter, apples, and dark chocolate chips all of the time. I would go through a family sized bag of carrots in two sittings (this bag had 14 servings) and ¼ of sunflower butter without even noticing. I could then proceed to eat 2 apples. Basically, i was emotionally eating. That continued into college and I was surrounded by this stigma of the “freshman 15”. I wanted to make sure I didn’t gain that so I began to watch what I ate but still would emotionally eat fruits and veggies (at this point I felt zero control and was dealing with slight depression). Then, the stress of all of this just took a toll on me. Living in a dorm and eating campus food is hard but add on dietary limitations from IBS, stress and it just got to a point where I was either running to the bathroom or not using it for days on end. Again, I was miserable because I couldn’t control when I had to run to the bathroom. So, I began eliminating even more foods than I had in high school. It wasn’t just processed food, but rather food groups such as dairy and whole wheat and oils. Combine this with having limited food choices because of living in a dorm; my diet eventually dwindled down to me eating fruits and veggies along with the occasional protein bar as a treat. Fast forward to the second semester and after getting tired of only eating fruits and veggies and also suffering a big blow to my ego when a boy I was talking to decided to date another girl at the same time (definitely a low point), I decided that I would try IIFYM. I also had been watching YouTube videos and looking at pinterest, and from all of my “research” (this was not research, just me taking info from the first places I could get it and deciding that everything they said was true and healthy because it worked for them) I gathered that if I wanted to see results from weight lifting, I needed to cut carbs and fats and up protein. So that is exactly what I did. I cut carbs to the point that I was only getting them from the two pieces of fruit I allowed myself, veggies, and my quest bars. I did not consume any fat besides the quest bar. But, in my mind, I finally had control and after adding strength training to my 1-hr cardio session, I finally started seeing results! This was working for me! So, obviously I continued and got to a point where I was eating on average 155 grams of protein a day. Most of the weight fell off in mid-April and to the end of June. In mid-May, I actually went and studied abroad in the beautiful Alicante, Spain and stayed here until the end of June. Before I left, I had talked with my GI doctor about wanting (and needing) to gain some weight…but, quite the opposite happened. (Part 3 will be posted tomorrow!!) Also, take note of how many times I mention the idea of control in all my posts. It may come in handy in understanding the roots of my orthorexia! When people ask me if I could use a time machine and go back to change things, I usually answer with a polite “no”. But, if I could go back to Spain and do things differently I would. Because I was under the control of my eating disorder, I missed out on a lot of cultural experiences. In Spain, culture is felt during mealtime and through food and conversation. Obviously, mealtime for me meant making any excuse to not eat the olive oil and to skip out on eating the tortilla Española. It meant refusing even a bite of the authentic gelato and chocolates. It meant sipping sparkling water instead of having fresh sangria on the beach. I can recall one time when my Spanish mom took me out for churros and chocolate and I ate half of a churro. The look of sadness on her face killed me but I could not bring myself to eat it. She was actually the first person to tell me straight up I had an eating disorder. Anyway, while in Spain I walked a lot, but not for the purpose of exercising. I had to go to school, come home for lunch, then go the beach, do an afternoon excursion, go shopping, etc. Rather than using a car, everyone walked and enjoyed the city. So, all that walking, in combination with eating only fruits, veggies, and fish, contributed to pushing me to my lowest weight. This weight, which I am not going to say numbers because I do not want to trigger anyone, was the lowest I have ever weighed since probably 4th or 5th grade. I couldn’t see it though. You see, when you restrict food and starve your body of essential nutrients and vitamins, your brain does not synapse the same way and you legitimately ruin the connection your brain makes with perception. You can no longer see the actual size or distance of things (it actually impairs driving skills y’all, it serious stuff). I thought I looked good. No, I didn’t think I was fat. No, I didn’t think I was skinny. I thought I was fit. Fit shouldn’t mean being cold all the time. Fit shouldn’t mean cutting your legs every time you shave because your bones stick out so much. Fit shouldn’t mean having dry skin because of a lack of nutrients in your body. Fit should not mean having to go to bed at 9 pm because your body is completely depleted of energy. Overall, I probably lost the last 20 pounds of my drastic weight loss those 5 weeks in Spain. Fast forward to me getting off the plane. Imagine having your own father not even recognize you because you have withered away, you lost the light in your eye. My joy for life was gone. I was a shell of the Sophie I used to be. From the day I got back, I lived in a literal hell on earth. My dad was so upset and anxious that I almost caused him a heart attack. I caused so much tension between my parents that at one point, when they were fighting, I went through the house screaming bloody murder. THAT was the moment I though about how this world would benefit from me just leaving. When I say this was a dark time, I do not mean it lightly. Everyday, I would wake up, go to rehab kicking and screaming , shut down in group because it just did not apply or help me, ignore the dietitian and doctor, come home, cry, Yell at my parents, and repeat the cycle the next day. The days passed, I was more miserable than ever before, my parents were miserable. My family was in the midst of intense spiritual warfare. At this time, my parents were visiting a counselor and praise the Lord for him because he was the only professional that told my parents to let me try recovery my way. If the rehab center was making things worse, let me try it with the understanding that you had to meet a certain weight to return to college and I had to be cleared by a doctor. So, on my birthday, July 22, I officially dropped out of rehab, turned down a second rehab facility we had been looking at, and started my recovery for real. We enlisted the help of my wonderful psychotherapist, Courtney, and my dietician, Reba Sloan, as well as a general doctor to monitor my blood pressure and weight. I can tell you that recovery was hard, but honestly that word cant even begin to describe it. Reba put me on a very intense weight gain plan and I finally realized that it wasn’t just a fear of fat and carbs that I needed to work on, I actually needed to work on control as well as managing OCD and anxiety. After a month of intense work, I was able to gain much needed weight and was able to return back to college for my sophomore year.That is not to say returning to college was easy and life went back to normal. I mean, I don't consider downing Ensures in between classes and out of red solo cups at tailgates a college girl's "norm". I continued to see a dietician and Skype with my therapist and had countless appointments and check ins for the first few months that I was back up in college. I had to drop a class because my brain just didn't quite fire the way it used to. I had to relearn how to lear because my brain had lost the capacity to function like it did before. All this to say, recovery isn’t over for me. It honestly is an everyday thing and I am really learning about how to take each day and take the ups and downs and know that things happen, it’s ok. Life is messy; it isn’t supposed to be perfect. After living through a literal hell and still dealing with repercussions, I can firmly tell you my last year on this Earth have not gone as planned.From having to almost drop out of school to finding my purpose for this stage of my life, it has been one heck of a year. Its had ups,it has had its fair share of downs. it has most definitely not gone according to the plan I made for myself. But, I cant change what has happened and so now I am CHOOSING to look at what happened, accept it, acknowledge it, but not dwell on it. I want to take all of that and turn it into good, into positive. While I would never take this out of my story, I would never ever wish this upon even my worse enemy. That is why now, I believe God is using me to reach others who are facing the real life struggle of under-eating and/or overexercising and living in the abusive cycle that once held me captive, Orthorexia is a real thing. Disordered eating is a real thing. It CAN kill you when it gets taken to extremes. Clean eating and exercise ruled my life but now, I choose balance. If any of you all, or if you know anyone struggling, please try and get help. Whether thats seeking a rehabilitation program, dietician, therapist, or simply telling someone that you need help, take the jump. I know it is hard but trust me when I say, recovery is worth it. YOU are worth it. Soph What is a calorie: calorie as defined by Merriam Webster is a unit of heat used to indicate the amount of energy that foods will produce in the human body
What does energy mean then? In regards to the human body, energy is the production of physical change within the system and usually regarded as the capacity for doing work… our body continuallyuses a whole lot of energy. We have so many different sytems from powering muscles, firing brain waves,powering ATP, quite literally every action we do consiocly and subconscienly requires energy. Again, how do we get energy? By food! So, now that we have established that food is VITAL to having and living life we can tackle the whole idea that maintain weight is as simple as calories in vs. calories out. If you are overweight than you must cut calories to lose weight and being overweight is caused by eating a surplus, or simply more than you burn. Well, what if I told you this is simply an over simplification. Let’s look at celery. I be we have all heard is takes as much energy to chew and swallow it so therefore its calories (energy) is negligible. In a way, there is truth to this statement. Celery DOES require a lot of energy for our body to break it down it has different effects on our metabolic pathway than say a bowl of oats or a slice of cake. Keeping that concept in mind, look at the calories in vs. calories out equation. This simple way to explain how to lose, maintain, and gain weight becomes a bit more complicated. If our body looks at different foods and digests them differently, then it cannot be so simple. Let me be clear on one thing. Overeating will lead to weight gain be it muscle or fat. Under eating leads to weight loss, be it muscle or fat. But, why do some people eat more? Why can some people seem to eat a lot and not gain weight? Well, it depends on a few factors. You see first of all we all are created individually. No one person is the same. Even if I had a twin we would still be genetically different in some way, shape, and form. With different make-up comes different hormone levels, different digestion functions, different structure, and different energy expenditures. When looking at twins could we guarantee that the same shoe could fit both twins solely based on the fact that they are twins? No, one may have a slightly bigger foot and require a bigger shoe! The same goes for nutrition and food intake. Many of us have probably heard that women are supposed to eat about 1200-1500 calories a day and men around 1800-2000 calories a day. But what if I, like the twin with the bigger foot, require more that 1500 calories. Does that mean I am going to become overweight? ABSOLUTLEY NOT. You see I am an active 19-year-old girl and I am on the short side. Based of the arbitrary number from person or magazine, I should probably consume far less calories than I do. But guess what, my body needs more. They don’t know me, they have not analyzed my genes, they don’t know my body composition, and they sure as heck don’t know what I eat. How can they say that I should eat X amount of calories? . Let’s look at the idea of energy and with everyone being made differently. Let’s say we have a teenage girl who is going through puberty. She is having an increase in hormones and she has a menstrual system that is going to need more energy now that it is ready to start fully functioning. She is going to have increased hunger because her body is going to need more energy to power all of her systems. In the case of someone recovering from an eating disorder, your body is going to require a lot of energy to not only repair any damage done but to also keep systems running and to restart systems that shut down as a result of your body trying to stay alive. You see your body will start shutting down the non-life threating systems first. That is why you lose hair, your skin becomes dry, and your nails become brittle. It all shuts down in order to keep your brain firing signals and to keep your heart beating. So, when you reefed, it often has to repair the systems that broke IN ADDITION to starting them back up again, hence the need for higher energy diets during and even after recovery. With all this being said, hopefully I have helped ya'll see just how individualized nutrition can be. There is no one size fits all number and it is not just a simple equation. Our bodies are complex and so there is no simple explanation or simple equation to prescribe to people. If you get anything from this post I hope you can take away one thing, and that is to not feel tied down to some number. A number on a scale does not define you nor does the number of calories you eat define you. We are all different and unique and that means your intake will be different and unique from the person next to you. Let’s be honest. Snacking is the only thing that keeps me going throughout the day. Well, it’s not the only but contrary to many diet and fad claims, snacking is an essential part of a healthy diet! To keep your energy levels up and to stop those hanger moments in their tracks, snacking is a must! When I eat a snack, I look for something that has at least two of the macronutrients (carbs, fat, or protein). For example, instead of just eating an apple, I try and pair a piece of fruit with almonds or nut butter. I get my carbs, my fats, and even a pang of protein! Here is a list of a few of my favorites:
Top On-The Go Snack Ideas!
Top 3 Snack Ideas for when you have Time!
So it’s been a good long while since I’ve posted on here. First of all, I am so sorry for that! I really want to try and be more regular with my posts but I also do not want to fill it with content that is half-hearted. Anyway, hopefully I can get to posting more.
With that being said, let’s dive right into it. It’s Healthy Relationship Week in my sorority and with that comes the acknowledgment of relationships with friends, family, significant others… But what about yourself? What about the relationship you have with yourself? Yourself includes your mental health, your emotions, your body and the way you talk to yourself. Honestly, I think my relationship with myself is often the most toxic relationships that I am in. If I said the things I think and even sometimes voice to my friends, I would not have friends. I mean, if I asked my friends “Why are you eating that, you just ate” or “Do you really need that”, I seriously might be the most hated girl in the world. But yet, I find it ok to tell myself this. I find it ok to ab check in the morning and criticize myself if they are not quite as prominent as the day before. Now that I am revered/in recovery, these thoughts are not nearly as often as they were before but in the depths of my eating disorder, I was literally berating my body every second, every day. I looked at my body as the enemy. I was slowly killing myself. Last time I checked, a healthy relationship does not include killing the other person. But what drives this hateful relationship with our bodies? It comes back down to a few different roots, the main one being control. From this stems control to get a smaller body, control of our bodies to try and attract attention from the opposite sex, control of our bodies because we can’t cope with the fact that we are not doing as well as we want in school, etc. First of all, why do we think we must be small? The world seems to promote this idea that in order to be feminine, we must be petite. We must look feminine and for some reason, this idea is directly correlated with looking dainty and waif-like. If you are tall, you must be skinny in order to feel beautiful. If you are short, you must do anything in your power to try and look smaller… But for what? The approval of boys? Of society? It slowly takes over and becomes how you approve of yourself. I want to say one thing. Girls, you are truly beautiful. If you are six feet tall, you are beautiful, of you are four feet tall, you are just as beautiful. What makes us beautiful is not how dainty we are. What makes people beautiful is the way they shine. The ways their soul shines through in every aspect of life. The way people take controversy and hardships and handle them. You know what else is beautiful? How someone is able to love their body enough and seeing how their body can, in response, carry them throughout their day. So yes, beauty does come from one’s body, BUT NOT IN THE WAY WE TRADITIONALLY THINK. A beautiful body is one that can make it throughout the day with energy and vigor, one that can dance, jump, run, be a student, walk to class, be a mom, chase after kids. One fueled by food, but also positive attitude. Secondly, in regards to controlling the way our bodies’ look based on the acceptance of the opposite sex, if a boy or girl does not accept you because they don’t like the way you look, then y’all, THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. You see, I have always used my body as my crutch, as my excuse. If a boy liked me, it was because of my body. If a boy did not reciprocate those feelings, it was because of my body. In a healthy relationship, do you blame your friend if things don’t always go as planned? Do you use them as a scapegoat? No! That would be just plain cruel. Same thing goes for your body. Your body is not the reason people like or do not like you. With that being said, if someone chooses not to like you 1). They are missing out on a great opportunity to get to be with an amazing person 2) remind yourself that it is not because of your body. In addition, if you control your body due to a lack of control in other areas of your life such as school, you are actually LOSING control. What? How does that make sense? Let’s say you want a cookie. You had a bad day at school though and you want to feel control so you tell yourself no, no because that cookie is bad. The cookie will make you gain weight OR if you eat one cookie you will eat another. You just gave food POWER over you. Tell me that is not a loss of control. You see, when I was in recovery, my amazing therapist likened my orthorexia to an abusive relationship. This metaphor can go with anything that holds captive over you. You see, because I no longer had a healthy relationship with my body, I had entered into an abusive relationship with myself. I was held captive. In an abusive relationship, the abuser can sweet-talk you into doing something and then shame you for doing the said thing. The abuser speaks sweet nothings that are really just lies disguised. When we have an unhealthy relationship with our body, the same thing happens. We lose touch with our core being and start to listen to words formed by society, formed by external locusts of control. They become our words to ourselves, but they are truly the words of an abuser. If you have a healthy relationship with your body, it is much easier to discern truth from these lies. So, with all of that being said, pursue a healthy relationship with yourself. I am still working on it and I believe with all that is in me that loving yourself is something I will have to work on consciensely my whole entire life. But y’all, it is possible. That feeling when you find happiness elsewhere besides your body is amazing. When you can look in the mirror and happiness comes from the shine in your eyes or you notice how you are radiant because of being happy, it’s a freeing moment. You start to focus on other things. Life becomes less exhausting. Like other healthy relationships, you start wanting to spend time with yourself. Exercise becomes less of a chore and something you do as a form of self-love. Eating becomes part of a daily routine and you can eat whatever you crave. You can face hardship and your body won’t suffer because of it. I have tasted that before and even though I struggle, I know THAT is the kind of healthy relationship I want. THAT is what I want you all to have. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don’t you know that your body is a temple that belongs to the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit, whom you received from God, lives in you. You don’t belong to yourselves. You were bought for a price. So bring glory to God in the way you use your body. Recipe Roundup!
As I was starting to make dinner, thunder was rolling in along with a tornado warning but that was not going to stop me from enjoying these lovely rice paper rolls! After countless trips to Whole Foods, I have found myself staring, as well as doing the whole “pick up and then put down” move, with their spring rolls! Well, tonight I decided enough was enough and I made my own (because yes, my parents have banned me from going to Whole Foods more than twice a week , oops!). Anyway, the recipe is super simple and super fresh! Hope y'all try these at some point because they are delish! Ingredients:
Fillings:
After chopping up your fillings, soak one rice paper sheet in warm water. They get super sticky! Take the sticky paper to a flat surface and put your fillings in the middle. Once you have stuffed it to your liking, carefully (the rice paper can tear easily) fold one side over tightly. Do the same to the other side and then fold the ends in! Continue this and prepare however many spring rolls you want1 I made three super stuffed rolls and paired it with an Asian inspired salad. Hey you guys! I am so very sorry that I am just now posting on here! It has been too long. So, in order to make up for my absence be prepared for a Christmas break with very regular updates! I have posted a few new goodies in my posts and am still working on a few recipes that I want to perfect before I share them! The first I am going to share is a Vegan, raw crème filled “donut” hole. Oh yes, a giant donut (maybe i SHOULD SAY FONUT) hole. Filling:
Fonut:
Last night, I spent a good chunk of my night in tears and in deep thought. First, I realized just how much I missed Spain and my Spanish mama, which caused me to tear up. Then, after a few deep thoughts, I realized that there was more than just being homesick for Spain. I was essentially homesick for a place I had never been. Just because I went to Spain this past summer does not mean in any way, shape, or form, that I actually did life in Spain. I breathed. I talked. I traveled. But, I did not truly LIVE. I didn’t partake in traditional food. My body was too exhausted to do the weekly picnic and hike up to the castle we had planned. In Valencia, I thought I was going to die due to how faint I felt. In Barcelona, I almost missed seeing the Sagrada Famillia because I had to run to a store and find clothes that actually stayed on my bony body. Instead of enjoying a Sunday tradition of chocolate and churros, I ate chia and fruit. Instead of enjoying delicious gelato and crepes, I sipped espresso and tonic water. I asked for olive oil free food in a place that literally has some of the BEST olive oil! To live means, at least to me, to experience. To breathe in the sea salted air, to enjoy time spent with people, to appreciate culture, to eat the foods and converse. It is almost as if I didn’t go to Spain. The other night, I paused that movie and began to think. I decided to go through a few pictures. I had to have pictures to trigger my memories, and even then I still don’t recall a lot of it, leaving me in a state of fernweh. I am homesick for a place this Sophie has never been. Y’all, please, if you think that food or exercise or really anything is controlling your life, ask for help. Scream from the abyss. To live life is much different than going through the motions. I want y’all to be able to have memories that don’t have to be turned on by a photo. I want you guys to know what it is like to truly live a life, including the ups and downs, and to be able to say that you truly LIVED your life; that you don’t have fernweh for your own life. Churros and Chocolate (above) and then what I ate for lunch or dinner every day (below) |
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