Last night, I spent a good chunk of my night in tears and in deep thought. First, I realized just how much I missed Spain and my Spanish mama, which caused me to tear up. Then, after a few deep thoughts, I realized that there was more than just being homesick for Spain. I was essentially homesick for a place I had never been. Just because I went to Spain this past summer does not mean in any way, shape, or form, that I actually did life in Spain. I breathed. I talked. I traveled. But, I did not truly LIVE. I didn’t partake in traditional food. My body was too exhausted to do the weekly picnic and hike up to the castle we had planned. In Valencia, I thought I was going to die due to how faint I felt. In Barcelona, I almost missed seeing the Sagrada Famillia because I had to run to a store and find clothes that actually stayed on my bony body. Instead of enjoying a Sunday tradition of chocolate and churros, I ate chia and fruit. Instead of enjoying delicious gelato and crepes, I sipped espresso and tonic water. I asked for olive oil free food in a place that literally has some of the BEST olive oil! To live means, at least to me, to experience. To breathe in the sea salted air, to enjoy time spent with people, to appreciate culture, to eat the foods and converse. It is almost as if I didn’t go to Spain. The other night, I paused that movie and began to think. I decided to go through a few pictures. I had to have pictures to trigger my memories, and even then I still don’t recall a lot of it, leaving me in a state of fernweh. I am homesick for a place this Sophie has never been. Y’all, please, if you think that food or exercise or really anything is controlling your life, ask for help. Scream from the abyss. To live life is much different than going through the motions. I want y’all to be able to have memories that don’t have to be turned on by a photo. I want you guys to know what it is like to truly live a life, including the ups and downs, and to be able to say that you truly LIVED your life; that you don’t have fernweh for your own life. Churros and Chocolate (above) and then what I ate for lunch or dinner every day (below)
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